[ For the briefest of moments, Tokiya looks pained.
Then he recovers. It's not as fast as how he would usually do it, because this is a thing that touches very close to home. This is a thing that turned what he loved into what he practically hated. ]
I don't have a choice. [ He still sounds calm, but Nonon will know that it, too, is faked. ] I don't have any other way to live. [ No outside support, an estranged family - he has nothing. Nothing left but his own skills, even if he knows it will kill his soul if he doesn't succeed. ]
You don't care about idols, that's very fine. But many don't have a choice. One has to be the best and conform to every single expectation in every single field, or the job is gone and you're left on the streets with permanent disgrace. No one rehires an expired personality. I have to be like this all the time if I don't want to lose what little I can still control about my life.
[ What happens in his home world still haunts him, a lot more than that of his friends.
But what she says is true. He can't deny it, how his calculated approach is seeping into all his other forms of music, and it's not something he can just vanish at will. It's a Problem that he can't solve. ]
I'm not an idiot. I'm working on it.
[ He originally still had hopes of winning that audition, but now he isn't even sure if he can regain his old level of proficiency. He's been away for too long. ]
You have your freedom, that's all very well. Don't rub it in the faces of people who can't attain it.
tbh he's kind of still in denial so nonon can yell at him more about this
Then he recovers. It's not as fast as how he would usually do it, because this is a thing that touches very close to home. This is a thing that turned what he loved into what he practically hated. ]
I don't have a choice. [ He still sounds calm, but Nonon will know that it, too, is faked. ] I don't have any other way to live. [ No outside support, an estranged family - he has nothing. Nothing left but his own skills, even if he knows it will kill his soul if he doesn't succeed. ]
You don't care about idols, that's very fine. But many don't have a choice. One has to be the best and conform to every single expectation in every single field, or the job is gone and you're left on the streets with permanent disgrace. No one rehires an expired personality. I have to be like this all the time if I don't want to lose what little I can still control about my life.
[ What happens in his home world still haunts him, a lot more than that of his friends.
But what she says is true. He can't deny it, how his calculated approach is seeping into all his other forms of music, and it's not something he can just vanish at will. It's a Problem that he can't solve. ]
I'm not an idiot. I'm working on it.
[ He originally still had hopes of winning that audition, but now he isn't even sure if he can regain his old level of proficiency. He's been away for too long. ]
You have your freedom, that's all very well. Don't rub it in the faces of people who can't attain it.